Me, Myself, and Twins: Daddy?

     I pulled up to the boys house on Monday. They were finally both well enough for me to take them.  Both boys were both staring out the door waiting for me with their hats and boots on. Both boys came running to see me as I knelt down this time. I loved it! I gave them each a big hug and spoke with them and picked both of them up at the same time. It made me incredibly happy. Although, if the boys get any bigger, they will have to hold Daddy instead. I was so focused on them running out to me I think the apocalypse could have began and I wouldn't have noticed. I have felt in past like all of this visitation would be worthless because they would never get to know me. Today I did not feel that way.
     Madame X and I loaded them into the truck. Killian immediately started saying "Nemo! Nemo! Nemo!" until I pressed play on the DVD players. Then Beck had to say "doggies, rough rough!"  I think the boys and I are finally getting into a good routine. On the drive to Mom's house they usually jabber about something going on in the movie. I have most of the words to Finding Nemo now memorized. That is not something I find useful in anyway.
     When the boys went in the house Beck immediately requested an "ah-er pop" (otter pop). I told him he had to wait until after I made him some noodles. I started the water on the stove and we went downstairs to play. After a short time I went back upstairs to put the noodles in the water. Shortly after I went upstairs I heard Daddy? (pause) Daddy? I purposely didn't answer the first time because it makes me smile to hear them say Daddy. Killian had come looking for me. Words cannot express how much I love the fact that he calls me Daddy, and that he noticed I was missing and came looking for me. My son wanted to be where I was. That will be one of the great moments in my life.  It wasn't enough for him to find me though, he wanted me to hold him while I was making the noodles. He started feeling the range hood and saying hot and then touching it again and saying hot. Shortly there after, Beck started saying, Daddy, Daddy? And he came upstairs. Both boys had come looking for me. It warmed my heart.  Maybe they were starting to become as attached to me as I am to them. Beck came and stood by me and said "uppie." So I was now holding both boys and trying to make noodles and not stick a baby foot into the fire or boiling water. I didn't want to return the merchandise damaged to Madame X.  I sure was not going to put them down though, and miss this opportunity to have them close.  I would have stirred the noodles with my foot if I had to. The boys started turning the light switch for the range hood on and off. Beck figured out that it was the range hood light. Killian, on the other hand, kept flipping the switch and then looking at the kitchen light. I think he gets that from Madame X. The boys and I finished up the noodles and went downstairs to watch Cars and eat lunch.
    After four bites Beck said ah-er pop. I told him he needed to eat more. I was surprised at how well both of them ate for me. They wouldn't eat for Madame X that day, so that was a small victory for the Fairbank side. Once lunch was over, they started to play, having forgotten about the otter pops. Two minutes into play time Beck hit Killian's hand with a plastic golf club. Obviously he started to cry and I dreaded that I was going to hear the word Mommy from him and our day was soon going to end. For the first time since the divorce Killian came to me to console him. He did not ask for Mommy one time. He just showed me his hand and I kissed it better. Then I rocked him while we watched Cars for a bit.  I actually felt like Daddy might mean something other than just a name to Killian. Beck continued on destroying everything with the golf club not having a clue it was him that hurt his brother.
     Beck started yelling "Daddy! Daddy!" I finally yelled "what?" And he said ah-er pop in a really quiet voice and smiled. Who could resist that little boys smile? So we all went upstairs to have ah-er pops on a day where the high was thirty degrees. The boys know exactly where grandma keeps the otter pops. They pulled open the freezer and began a game of lets take everything out of grandma's freezer and stack it at the top of the stairs. I could not tell them no because I was laughing too hard. They carried bottles of spaghetti sauce that I thought would be too heavy for them to carry. They carried Tupperware filled with food and stacked all the food together in a pile like they were stacking their blocks.  I was grateful they didn't decide to try and throw the frozen "block" down the stairs as a new game. Then they decided they wanted an otter pop. I made them bring everything back and place it back in the freezer.
     We then went downstairs and ate, watched Cars, played with blocks. I got to read to Beck again, which is a highlight to me. He leans back into me and points at things or makes animal noises.  Then they wanted to play in the garage.
     I brought in Mom's garbage can while they were playing so the boys decided to play with brooms in the snow. They swept the snow and laughed saying "no." I find it funny that if you get close to Beck and he doesn't like you he will say "no!" Beck will also use the same word to describe snow since he can't use an "s" sound yet. One word is said with a smile, and the other is said with his hand out in a stop motion. Beck at this point decides to run through the snow and crashes. His body splayed out in the "no". He was covered head to toe in snow.  Beck did not like that at all and he began screaming and crying. I brushed him off. It was at that moment that Killian chose to make his escape. I picked Beck up and wanted to take him inside to warm him up. Killian dashed away from us and around the house. So I ran and put Beck inside and then dashed back out, tracking Killian through the snow. Picked him up and raced back inside trying not to slip and crash on the ice. Madame X does not like damaged goods. Perhaps that is why she divorced me. When I brought Killian inside Beck was still crying. Killian gave him a hug and then ran off.  Sometimes Killian gets mixed up at when to head butt someone or when to hug them. I'm glad that today he made the right choice in the affection he gave his brother.
     That crash in the snow effectively ended our visit. I have not made it to the point with Beck that he looks to me to be consoled by. He laid down on the stair with his blanket and kept asking for Mommy, so I took them back home. I had them for three hours and loved every minute of it. They both waved bye to me when I dropped them off. Even Madame X said bye when I left the boys. Things are looking up.  I still run through the emotional spectrum when I have the boys. I swing through every emotion and feel tired by the time they leave. I hate it when they leave. I always wish they were getting picked up and dropped off at my house. I don't enjoy being the one that leaves.