Empty

     I gave up going to California to see my family so that I could spend more time with my boys over the Thanksgiving break.  I didn't get to see them yesterday due to their being sick.  Today I did not get to see them either as they are still sick.  I didn't have to work on account of the blizzard of the century that dropped so little snow it looked like the shirt of the kid that sat in front of me in physical science class with the bad dandruff.  Puh-lease, there wasn't enough snow on the ground to melt for hot chocolate. 
     The time off work left me with five days off and no boys.  I do not do very well when left alone to my own thoughts.  I find myself staring at the boys toys sitting there instead of watching the movie that is on.  I find myself smiling at the thought of them chasing one another with their push lawnmowers.  I am always amazed by how empty I feel when they are not around.  The heartache at times is unbearable.  I made the correct decision to leave the marriage I was in.  Believing that I made the right decision still doesn't take away the hurt.  I used to hear parents say that their kids gave their lives purpose.  Or that their kids fulfilled them.  When I was younger I just thought that is what the uber Mormons were supposed to say.  "I know the church is true with every fibre of my being, and my life feels so fulfilled with my twenty-three children."  Well, yeah, my life would feel full if there were that many crazies swimming in the gene pool as well.
     I decided when Madame X and I divorced that I would never put the children in the middle.  If they didn't feel like coming with me, even though I could demand it, I wasn't going to.  It seems that they only get sick on my time.  This is what I will have to deal with until the boys are older and I can talk directly to them.  It is very hard for me to trust. 
     I'm sorry that those were three very despairing paragraphs.  I had hoped to inspire you to solve world hunger, adopt puppies, learn to read, and punch that special someone in the face that deserves it.  I can't help it, I miss my boys.  I will post some pictures since most of the people reading this blog read it something like this, "blah blah blah, scroll down scroll down scroll down, oh there's the pictures.  I don't know why he bothers putting those troublesome words in there so I have to scroll down so far with the mouse."

I bought two loaders so each could have their own.  Notice who has both?

Beck always has to find a hole to be in

Beck also has to lay in the dirt.  Not sure why.